Cover My Eyes
by Handwritten
Summary: When I fell for him, I didn't realize I was a mere replacement. Temporary. I never thought it would end with me feeling like I was slowly being torn in half. "Every time you leave with her, something inside me dies." Oneshot - Namine/?


**Cover My E y e s  
**_~Handwritten_

_Based off the song 'Cover My Eyes' by La Roux_

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_Through the eyes of a lonely blue-eyed girl:_

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He said he had something to tell me. Did I know what was coming? I think I had some sort of idea. For a fleeting moment, I entertained the thought of him getting down on one knee. Pulling out a small velvet box. But when I noticed how he bit his lip - a sure sign he was troubled - my heart sunk.

_No wonder I'm scared_  
_To look in your eyes_

His eyes - which I once found so beautiful - were now filled with..._something_. He said he regretted letting it go on this long. We were never to last from the very beginning. He had hoped that, somehow, he could forget her…but he couldn't. She was too big a part of his life; when she left, there was a space left behind I could never fill. I was a minor replacement. Worth only a small fraction of what she was.

_You've turned me away  
So many times_

In spite of my many attempts to get him to love me, he couldn't get her out of his head. They had been together for so long. They had been perfect for each other…they _were _perfect together. Whenever her name came up in conversation, I could see how his expression lightened in expectation. He looked more_ alive _at the mere mention of her name. How could one girl have such an affect? - But I couldn't bring myself to dislike her, or envy her. That would be like giving up the rest of what little I had.

_You can take it away_  
_At any given moment_

I don't know why I let myself fall so hard for him… he had all my love coiled deep within his fist. In a moment, without any hesitation, he could take it all away. Leave me with nothing but a hurting heart and tear-stained pillows. But he was what I wanted. All of it. He was the kind of person who made you feel like you could never be hurt. I felt protected. He could make you feel cared for, even when you weren't cared for at all.

_It's hard to believe_  
_While you're in this disguise_

When he first told me that he couldn't do it anymore… I almost didn't believe him. He looked too happy to be breaking my heart. Even though he showed regret for having to hurt me, he didn't look as if he was feeling any pain himself. More like he was relieving himself of it. By letting me go, he was freeing himself of a guilty conscience. I was a burden on his mind. A distraction gone too far. He didn't know how to let me go, so he kept me hanging.

_So would you hold me please_  
_I'm trying hard to breathe_

As he turned away, I grasped at his hand in desperation. I didn't want him to leave. I loved him. He looked remorseful as I wrapped my arms around his waist. He was so quiet, so my sniffling was easily noticed in the silence. I wanted to hate her. I really did. For stealing what I had finally gotten for myself. Did I not deserve him? Was that it? As that thought crossed my mind, he spoke words of the opposite._ "It's not you, Namine. It's me. I don't deserve you, and I never will." _If that were true, why am I the one feeling heartbroken?

_I'm just surviving_  
_So would you hold me please_

I didn't like what he was saying. Our entire relationship...had been a lie. Had I known all along? Was I truly surprised? _"Just pretend for a little bit longer."_ I said against his sweater. His grip tightened, and I heard his breath catch. I tried to memorize the feeling of his body so close to mine. I already knew it was the last time I would be allowed to cherish such a thing. Show him that I love him. After today, it would only be a cause of more pain.

_I'm trying hard to breathe_  
_Stop me from crying_

He used his jacket sleeve to wipe my tear-stained cheeks. I laughed hollowly, trying to regain my breath. He was anxious to leave, and I felt a little bit more of myself slip away. He wasn't leaving then...he had been gone for so long already. The distant looks. I had blindly overlooked them; so eager for my own happy ending. Why had I chosen to ignore the hints? Was it saving me any pain? Or was prolonging this realization simply creating more memories which I now needed to forget? It was easy enough to answer that question.

_When I see you walking with her_  
_I have to cover my eyes_

Something in my throat caught. I had just paid for my coffee, and as I turned towards the door, I stopped dead in my tracks. There he was; walking hand-in-hand with her. She was beautiful, really. Inside and out. Her smile was like a breath of fresh air, and his returning grin was so full of love that it stung. Her chin tilted back as she laughed, and her hair flew around her face. That lovely wine-red...

_Every time you leave with her_  
_Something inside me dies_

I watched them leave the store together, both glowing as brightly as the mid-month moon. The store they had just left caught my eye. In the window, a number of tall, elegantly decorated white cakes stared back at me. With a stuttering heart, my fingers slipped over my eyes. I welcomed the darkness. As I fought to keep the images out of my mind, I couldn't help but feel drawn to the water below the bridge.

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Largely inspired by Idiotique's fic 'Inferno' (my favourite of hers, hehe ^_^)

You could really put Namine with Roxas OR Sora here. Or any character with blue eyes, hehe.  
Don't worry - Namine won't be so weak in my next oneshot. I'm trying out all the angles, here!


End file.
